Bella “The initial feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant was joy. I was shocked by my own response but then I guess it made sense at the time. I was so happy in my life and in my relationship. And then came the sense of horror. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I was in no way ready to raise a child. My boyfriend at the time was supportive, yet I don’t think either of us was prepared for the reality of what this experience was. I called planned parenthood to schedule an appointment for an abortion. I would have to wait two weeks. My boyfriend was about to leave town, and I knew I didn’t want to wait and go through this experience alone. Instead, I found a service online that mailed me the abortion pill overnight so that I could be safe and comfortable at home and get through it privately and quickly. I believed what I had been told, that this was routine and I’d bounce back quickly. I was never told you could end up bleeding for more than a month as I did, or that for days after the pain could be so intense you think you might pass out. I was never told the hormonal shift in your body is abrupt and dramatic, leaving me feeling unbelievably depressed, disassociated and isolated. And then came the grief, the deepest grief I have ever experienced, that knocked me down like a wave in a way that I could never have anticipated. How could I be grieving something I chose not to have? I’ve never felt more alone than I did going through an abortion. It’s a hard thing to say, and an even harder thing to talk about publicly. But I wish I had heard more stories like mine. No part of me regrets having an abortion, but I needed so much more support and connection in the aftermath than I expected, support that’s not available when we’re constantly told we can either feel gratitude or shame for having autonomy over our bodies. What I have struggled with the most is that the extremely divisive public conversation that is currently taking place leaves no room for the very real and nuanced experience of women who are potentially making the hardest decision of their lives.” Thank you so much @bansel_1 we need you. Stories on abortion @omaimasss @moreorlessmag